one of the things i swore not to make my children feel is that they would not be able to count on me when they need help. i think more than anything else, it came from personal experience.
growing up, i guess my parents saw me as this smart, independent girl who can take care of everything by herself. while that may sound as a compliment, it was actually very hard. i learned early on in life that i should look for solutions to my own problems instead of asking for help. luckily, i made it through most, but that just showed them that i really can handle everything. on the few times that i did ask for help, my pleas fell on deaf ears. it was always like nobody took me seriously each time i asked for help because they were thinking, i could do it anyway. (god, the unshakable memories of school programs without presentable costumes, art projects that lack materials, figuring how to get home on your own because no one would pick you up). as a teenager and until now, it’s still the same. many times i have been let down from asking for help with people dismissing everything as something i could do myself.
people always tell me that i’m a strong person and that i can handle a lot by myself. while that’s true, i just want people to know that there are times when i need help too.
now as an adult, my husband has told me a dozen times that i have problems with asking for help or even assistance. he said, i try so hard to solve something myself when it would be much simpler to ask someone for help (like asking for directions, assistance from someone). but i’ve just so gotten used to that. it’s like i have learned that it’s better to work my ass off on doing something myself than asking someone for help and getting disappointed.
although there were a lot of those “feeling-overlooked-childhood memories” i know now that those experiences taught me to be strong and independent. i believe i’m pretty good at solving problems and that i have commendable analytic skills. i want my children to be just as independent but i do not want them to learn it the same way i did.
i want my children to be able to explore and do things on their own. at the same time, i want them to feel that if they ever need my help, then i am there to guide them. i do not want them to hesitate with running to me for their problems. i want them to feel that i am here to listen. i want them to be strong, but i don’t want them hard as rocks. i want them to feel that it’s okay to sometimes feel weak because there will be people to help them be strong again. i don’t want them to feel the pain of being disappointed or let down by the people who are supposed to have their backs. i don’t want them to feel alone.
- I’m No Superhero (or Confessions of a Recovering Perfectionist) (g2doro.wordpress.com)
- Flashback Friday – “Weaknesses Make Us Superheroes” (theyouthrebellion.wordpress.com)