and just like that, it was 2002 all over again…

remember that scene from Sex and the City 2 when after being frustrated by Big‘s seeming preference for a couch-tv-and-takeout marriage, Carrie decides to stay at her old apartment for two days to write? at the end of day 2, she receives a call from Big asking him out to dinner and she discovers that he is waiting for him in his car outside her apartment; the same way he always does during their on again off again relationship. due to this “renewed sparkle,” Carrie was able to say, “just like that, it was 1998 all over again.”

(Photo credit: FotoRita [Allstar maniac])”]Sex and the City [in Rome]

i felt exactly like this when, during one of my classes, hubby started sending me this messages on FB (not exactly the most romantic venue but who cares). it was more like a letter although it was in parts and it is exactly what i need to “renew the sparkle.”

these past weeks (okay, months.) hasn’t been good for our marriage. we are nowhere near wanting to disown each other but we are a far cry from the romantic-comedic couple we once were. i guess we’ve been both frustrated with a lot of things: change in our financial situation since i resigned from my job several months ago, move from the apartment we used to rent to my father’s house when he left it, the severe lack of quality time together and the severe lack of “alone” time for both parties. these were all nobody’s fault and it’s part of the hardships one gets through marriage but we were taking it out on each other. instead of supporting each other through these bad times, we became watchdogs of each other, always looking fro something to gnaw at as if we weren’t already frustrated enough. the lack of money for recreation further makes the situation worse for we cannot even go out to have dinner alone together. as months passed by, we continually failed to be a team.

five days out of the seven in a week, we wouldn’t be in “lovey-dovey, partners in life forever” mode. so i was pleasantly surprised when i received the first part of his “letter.” it had been a very long time since he last wrote anything for me. and it’s not just the act of writing something, but the message was just what i need to remember that all is not lost; that we are going through a rough time when the kids are still young, money is not easy and we don’t have a lot of chances to spend time together BUT we still have each other.

of course our relationship will never be the way it was when we were still in college (i don’t even think i want it to be). but Hubby’s right. things change but not the love that we have for each other. and sometimes women do tend to hold on to every single mistake when we can just let (the simple ones) go.

i’m not saying that we will be all roses-and-chocolates from now on. i’m pretty sure the next mini argument won’t be too far away but i would like to commend him for expressing his thoughts this way rather than just being passive aggressive about it. at least now, i know what he’s thinking about, and i can understand where he’s coming from.

if you are curious about the “letter,” here it is. it’s not too fancy but it’s the straightforward quality of it that i appreciated a lot.

dad & me

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4 comments

  1. Hey no married couple is able to be lovey dovey everyday..anyone that tell you they are means someone is lying. I applaud you for recognizing that your marriage is not like it was when you first said I Do & it shouldn’t. As we age, life situations changes, then our marriage will change.

    We have to learn when we are in a shifting moment in our marriage. Marriages goes through many stages but the one thing as you husband said, “The love never changes.”

    Don’t beat yourself up because some days you are not lovey dovey. Just know that each day you must connect with your spouse (Quality Time).

    Read a blog post I wrote about a month ago, Grow In Love (http://www.stilldatingmyspouse.com/2012/03/01/real-love/) I think it would be a great reminder for you.

    Make sure to let me know how things are going with you guys…I think I need to follow your blog!

    Pamela
    Still Dating My Spouse
    http://www.stilldatingmyspouse.com

    1. hi pamela! thank u so much for taking the time out to read this post and my hubby’s letter at that. : ) you’re definitely right. instead of wasting our time stressing out about not being lovey-dovey, why not make the first move right?
      i am definitely going to check out your blog. as a matter of fact, i’m heading there right now. : )

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