letter to son

newborn

A Love Letter to the Man Who Taught Me True Love—My Son

Let me start off by saying I have prayed for you all my life. I have always known I wanted to have a son as my first-born. I imagined you to be this smiling boy, so full of life, smart, happy, someone with whom I share a special bond.  God could not have made a better job.

booties

positiveIt all started with two purple lines. I knew then that life will never be the same. From that moment, I have loved you.

How I wish I could justify with words the love that envelops a mother’s heart when they see their child for the first time. Unfortunately, words will never be enough. All I can say is, I never thought I can love someone that way until I held you in my arms. But you showed me that Love encompasses a lot of things. This Love is different–it made me stronger, stronger than I ever thought I could be. It made me want to be better, made me want to achieve something, made me want to deserve you.

newborn

Five days after you were born, I was singing to you this love song. It suddenly hit me how the lyrics of this song greatly explains how I feel for you. I felt tears run down my cheeks because I realized then, I would die for this person.

Now four years after, I look at you and I still can’t believe someone like you could come from someone like me. You are beautiful. You are amazing. I want to tell you that everyday amidst the shouting, and all the racket of raising you and your sister. I wish I can just hold your face in my hands and make you understand how much I do love you. I know it annoys you now sometimes when I repeatedly tell you I love you or kiss you over and over again because it distracts you from Disney Junior. Just that, maybe if I do it that much, it will somehow come close to how I truly feel.

The truth is, at times I feel guilty that I gave you a sister too early.  Not to undermine the love and happiness I feel for your sister; but I feel that I should have allowed you more time to be my baby. I am so proud that being a big brother before turning two has made you a little bit more mature in ways, but sometimes I wish, I could have “babied” you more. In a few months you’ll be entering preschool and soon, you’ll be more independent. But as your mom, how I wish I could hold on to you for much longer…much, much longer.

J&B

They say moms are little boys’ first girlfriends. I would say you are my true love. You are my son, my first-born. The place you occupy in my heart is no less than my happiest place. Someday, I may have to share you with a woman who you will love.  Although in my mind now, I am hating that day, I will try my very best to accept that when the time comes (although I know I would probably cry rivers).

For now, I will enjoy being your beauty queen, your heroine. And I reserve my right to kiss you as many times as I want.

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