Marriage

Things I Wish For Dad

I wish Dad…

could be more patient with the kids.

would always remember that the kids are still just toddlers, and well, they would act like toddlers.

would know that the kids look for him everyday when he’s at work.

would realize that the kids will not be toddlers forever and soon will not need us as much.

would know that (having said the 4th statement) he would lots of time for himself as soon as the kids hit grade school age, and more so when they enter highschool.

would listen to me more.

would think before he speaks.

would have more initiative.

would be more considerate.

would be more of a team player.

would read this, reflect and understand…

 

i’m not just a mother, i’m also a wife

i enjoy reading a lot of parenting blogs because it’s fun knowing how other parents handle very familiar situations and i also get a lot of tips and also, because it’s nice to know that you are not the only one who feels that way about something. however, i just realize now that it’s also great to read about marriage blogs; after all, i’m not just a mother, i’m also a wife.

us in college

dad and me in college

i want to write about this blog and a particular blog post i really liked today by Pamela King. i’m so thankful that she found my blog first when she checked out my post “and just like that it was 2002 all over again” yesterday. i headed over to her blog Still Dating My Spouse and absolutely loved it! one post touched me though, it was Creativity in Marriage. sure, it was written beautifully by Pamela and her tips were great but most importantly, it got me thinking (don’t you love it when a post gets you thinking?)…about my own actions, about my complaints, about the things i wish that my husband would do, and finally, about what things i can do differently.

i realized that there are a lot of things i could be doing. despite our hectic everyday life, there are a lot of things i could be doing to have even just five minutes of sparkle with my husband. i have also realized that these tips Pamela mentioned…we used to do all of that. and somewhere along the way, we just lost track or we just started waiting for the other one to start.

out of town

out of town for our 3rd wedding anniv

recently, i have been spending hours and hours online. yes, i work from home but even after my work, i would still be in front of the computer for several hours more. i even think, the internet is now my bestfriend but then again, it would be very easy to delegate even just a few minutes from all those hours to sneak in some QT with hubby.

i am really glad i was able to find her blog around the same time hubby expressed his feelings about us and or family. that way, i know exactly what to do to add on to what he initiated: letting me know how much he still cares.

new yr 2012

dad & me new yr 2012

and just like that, it was 2002 all over again…

remember that scene from Sex and the City 2 when after being frustrated by Big‘s seeming preference for a couch-tv-and-takeout marriage, Carrie decides to stay at her old apartment for two days to write? at the end of day 2, she receives a call from Big asking him out to dinner and she discovers that he is waiting for him in his car outside her apartment; the same way he always does during their on again off again relationship. due to this “renewed sparkle,” Carrie was able to say, “just like that, it was 1998 all over again.”

(Photo credit: FotoRita [Allstar maniac])”]Sex and the City [in Rome]

i felt exactly like this when, during one of my classes, hubby started sending me this messages on FB (not exactly the most romantic venue but who cares). it was more like a letter although it was in parts and it is exactly what i need to “renew the sparkle.”

these past weeks (okay, months.) hasn’t been good for our marriage. we are nowhere near wanting to disown each other but we are a far cry from the romantic-comedic couple we once were. i guess we’ve been both frustrated with a lot of things: change in our financial situation since i resigned from my job several months ago, move from the apartment we used to rent to my father’s house when he left it, the severe lack of quality time together and the severe lack of “alone” time for both parties. these were all nobody’s fault and it’s part of the hardships one gets through marriage but we were taking it out on each other. instead of supporting each other through these bad times, we became watchdogs of each other, always looking fro something to gnaw at as if we weren’t already frustrated enough. the lack of money for recreation further makes the situation worse for we cannot even go out to have dinner alone together. as months passed by, we continually failed to be a team.

five days out of the seven in a week, we wouldn’t be in “lovey-dovey, partners in life forever” mode. so i was pleasantly surprised when i received the first part of his “letter.” it had been a very long time since he last wrote anything for me. and it’s not just the act of writing something, but the message was just what i need to remember that all is not lost; that we are going through a rough time when the kids are still young, money is not easy and we don’t have a lot of chances to spend time together BUT we still have each other.

of course our relationship will never be the way it was when we were still in college (i don’t even think i want it to be). but Hubby’s right. things change but not the love that we have for each other. and sometimes women do tend to hold on to every single mistake when we can just let (the simple ones) go.

i’m not saying that we will be all roses-and-chocolates from now on. i’m pretty sure the next mini argument won’t be too far away but i would like to commend him for expressing his thoughts this way rather than just being passive aggressive about it. at least now, i know what he’s thinking about, and i can understand where he’s coming from.

if you are curious about the “letter,” here it is. it’s not too fancy but it’s the straightforward quality of it that i appreciated a lot.

dad & me

Why You Shouldn’t Marry a Smart Woman (if you can’t deal!)

  1. she will not settle for less
  2. she will see past your excuses (and give Mr.Holmes a run for his money)
  3. she will have all your expenses accounted down (to the last cent)
  4. she will find a lot of loopholes in your well-thought-of argument
  5. she will cite medical resources on why she should take regular trips to the salon (esp. the pedicurist!)
  6. she will cite medical and scientific reasons to argue the harmful effects of your habits and behavior at home and with the kids
  7. she will back her statements up with psychological studies about why you act and think that way
  8. she will read your mind and tell you what you’re thinking of before you even get the chance to say it (like you would)
  9. she will always have a witty comeback
  10. she will come up with creative ways to get back at you (when you deserve it)
  11. she will write a blog post on why your video games are different from your kids
  12. she will always, and i mean ALWAYS, be right

taken from weddings-place.com

restlessly invisible… invisibly restless…

it’s Saturday and i’m bored.

yeah, i know,how can i still be bored when i have two toddlers to take care of and a home to manage. i don’t know, but i’ve been feeling bored lately, almost restless…like i’m looking for something or something’s missing, i’m not sure.

well, alright, i don’t exactly not know. it may be because i didn’t set up a family-day-out budget this month so i can’t take the kids out. may also be because i, of course, do not have a personal budget this month so i can’t take myself out either. or maybe, it’s because the hubby is not interested in anything else these past weeks other than Shogun II Total War.

what do you do when you feel invisible?

should you nag, bicker, demand? (tried)

should you go sexy and distract him from the daimyo? (not in the mood; not deserved either)

should you send a message to an old crush? (maybe)

should you rant about it to your girlfriends?  (who may or may not care)

should you just leave him with his personal time and space? (probably..but then again…)

i know what i should do. i should take a bath and get myself some fries and ice cream.

on tying the knot-can we make it last?

A couple of 14-carat gold wedding rings. Pictu...

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March 17 was supposed to be my parents’ 28th wedding anniversary.  However, they didn’t even make it to the 24th.  In my opinion, it was over way back from the 20th or even earlier.

In a time when fewer and fewer married couples celebrate their silver (25th) wedding anniversary, what are the chances of young married couples?

I’ve been married for more than four years now and although my hubby is no alcoholic or gambler or adulterer (as far as i know), he’s far from perfect (of course not perfect-perfect, duh, but i-have-no-complains-perfect).  Last week, I asked him to drop by the supermarket after work for some grocery shopping (normally, grocery shopping is my job but since we only have a few items needed on the list, i let him do it).  Among the items in the list I texted to him was my bath soap which I have been using everyday of the four years we’ve been married.  And what do you know, he buys a totally different variant of the-thankfully-same brand.

It doesn’t seem like a big deal, true, but are we really supposed to accept that men do not pay attention to the little things that are actually big parts of our lives?  (I mean come on, we have been using the same bathroom for more than four years and he still wouldn’t know?)

If you have small complaints, when would they be big enough to be merited as valid?  When would your issues be serious enough to be dealt with?  Are lack of quality time, erratic temperament, lost of romance too petty to be paid attention to like adultery or domestic violence?  How come more and more marriages end not because one has had an affair but because they have grown so much apart it’s irreparable?

Still, there are those that succeed.  I think, no matter what they did to keep the flame burning, it’s still mostly due to the desire to continue to be a partner to their better half.  Marriage is a partnership, after all. And when one decides to go solo whether admittedly or not, then it is most likely that no one’s eating cake at their silver anniversary party.